Day 30 - California Covid spike - mandatory masking

The Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel…

Wednesday. 6/24/20

8:00 - 9:15 - There is no way around it - if I don’t exercise first thing in the morning, I am never going to. I’ve read that individuals start off with a certain amount of will power each day, but that it wanes as the day goes on because we keep dipping into our reserves. Like the article said, nobody binges on ice cream at 8:00 a.m. - this tends to happen in the evening, after we’ve exhausted all available will power.

I take the dog out, then do a 30 minute upper body workout.

9:15 - 10:30 - Shower, get ready, and put on a maxi-dress. B. picks me up.

12:00 - 5:00 - Polo Lounge and the service and food is excellent. We sit outside and the entire staff is masked. It’s Fathers Day (belated) so I encourage B. to order whatever he wants, as is my custom for the past 6 years, wherein I treat him for Fathers Day, his birthday, and Christmas.

B. also buys me gifts for Mothers Day, my birthday, and Christmas, but over the past 12 months, has begun holding them over me, using them to say, “Look at everything I’ve done for you”, as if he’s angry and views me as some sort of burden or financial failure.

I find this confusing in that shouldn’t we buy each other gifts on, at least, these three occasions? I don’t mind spending money on B. on these three dates and have budgeted accordingly so I can do so, over the past five years. Perhaps he doesn’t like spending money on ME for these three events??? - it’s unclear. If I had extra money, I’d buy more things for him throughout the year, but I’m a single mom, with no child support, and trying to pay for my daughter’s college tuition at an elite private art school in New York. Things have been financially difficult for me for a very long time… I think it’s relevant to note that B. is almost 20 years older than me…

Recently, when B. used the examples of placing a rat trap in my garden and hanging a mirror in my bedroom as yet more examples of “everything I do for you”, I came to the realization that he intensely dislikes doing anything for me, to include even those ‘acts of service’ that don’t cost anything. I hadn’t realized that such menial tasks, such as fixing sprinklers or garden lights, also applied. I have never asked B. for money, but, in the past, will admit that I’m guilty of asking B. if he could, say, take my car to his mechanic for a diagnostic (I paid for the services, of course) or accompany me to Costco so I could use his membership to pay for a cheaper tire rotation.

So, after hearing his numerous complaints on the matter, my compromise to B., which we frankly discussed, was that we would run our own households and I wouldn’t ask him for any type of assistance, whatsoever, ever again.

I’ve held true to our compromise and am pretty proud of myself for doing so, although, in truth, I’ve been independent since my 2005 divorce and have raised a child and ran my own household, “by hook or by crook” :-) for 18 years. Sure, it’s nice to know that you have someone whom you can rely on, but I’ve never had that so it’s not like I’ve suffered a huge loss of some sort. I’m simply back to taking care of myself, L., and everything else, just like I’ve always done.

I would say the hardest part of the compromise occurred when I suffered a terrible, painful, eye infection, in both eyes, that lasted for two months. During the first month, I scheduled and drove myself to numerous eye appointments and pharmacies, alone, and it was very difficult (L. was in school, working, and didn’t have time to perform these tasks). I was struck by the realization that I had absolutely nobody that I could call upon to help me - this can be a truly sobering realization for most people, but, in the end, I didn’t need any help and was able to do everything myself, without calling on B. AND my eyes eventually healed.

As it stands, B. seems much happier now that he doesn’t have to do anything for me. Problems do arise, however, when he proposes happy hour, because I don’t have the extra money for that and if I go, he will have to pay. Again, it is unclear why he proposes happy hour at all as it seems to make him “unhappy” (recall that he asked for the $8.00 reimbursement yesterday) but these are mysteries I can’t explain. When we do a free activity, like going to the beach or Descanso Gardens and bringing our own food (I paid for the Descanso tickets so it was free for him) or having Starbucks (I brought my own coffee from home) at a bench at one of our community parks, it seems to go over well.

Anyway, I thought I would explain our dynamic so you would understand…

Back to the Polo Lounge:

I encourage B. to get whatever he wants and he orders the tortilla soup as an appetizer, the NY ribeye steak, strawberry shortcake and two glasses of champagne. I get the crab cake, spinach fettuccine, and two glasses of champagne - I have three bites of B.’s strawberry shortcake. Delish! The food is so good, but I think the highlight was the guitar player. He’s masked and plays acoustic guitar - the first “concert” I’ve been to in 5 months - and it is so wonderful to hear live music again! I give B. $10 so he can tip out the guitar player. B. said he liked the food.

We next head to MODS at the Beverly Center. I bought the tickets and my credit card was charged, but the tickets never made it to my email so I’m armed with the evidence of my proof of purchase. We discover that MODS doesn’t open until 4:00 and head to the only bar open in this mall for a drink while we wait. B. buys a Bellini for me and a beer for himself. At 4:00, we head to MODS, I produce my evidence, and we get in. I love the exhibit! B. said he liked the exhibit.

6:00 - 8:30 - we arrive at my house and I make B. a Bourbon and 7, then we watch two episodes of Love After Lockup. B. starts to fall asleep so I decide to call it. He has a lot of things going on the rest of the week - some sort of movie night at his house and other social activities and obligations (we lead very separate lives), so I will see or talk to him the next time he’s available.

8:30 - 9:30 - I read Panic and Joy.

10:00-12:00 - L. and I watch Love After Lockup and scream at the TV.